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Tossing my hair and thrusting my head to the side. I'm pretty sure I looked at her with some mixture of sheepish excitement and nausea. Instead, I began the process of preparing for lap band surgery, which means I had to visit a clinic every month for at least half a year to weigh in and track my loss or lack thereofmeet with a nutritionist, a psychiatrist, get a sign-off from my primary care physician, full blood-work, talk to a surgeon and, finally, schedule the date of my procedure. Admittedly, a few men, but only ever in the dark and under a blanket. After a few weeks, the clinic stopped calling. And I was willing to do whatever it might take, whether chopping off a hunk of my stomach or looking at my body through the eyes of a woman who amazingly didn't think fat was ugly -- it was all the same direction for me and it was the only way I could travel. I opened the first email attachment cautiously.

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I had a few pairs of non-holey under things, but the most recent time I had shown someone my business he had laughed -- literally laughed -- at it.

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After a few weeks, the clinic stopped calling. She shuttled her equipment through my doorway, plopped it in the living room and began pacing around my apartment. How did she get her body into that position? I opened the first email attachment cautiously. Jones, I refused to wear anything above my knees and wouldn't leave my apartment without sleeves or a shirt, for that matter. The rare photos that I took of myself were purely comprised of Fat Girl Angle Shots, taken only from above but -- and maybe I'm still proud of this -- deftly positioned so as to attempt to trick the viewer into not immediately seeing that the floor was parallel to my face.

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